7 easy ways to become a Dude! or not..

If you are one of the wannabe Dudes, try three or more of the following steps. 

1. Follow club football

Immediately declare your allegiance to a good performing club such as ManU, Man City or Barca so that you have something good to update on Facebook for the entire season. Get yourself a Rooney or a Messi jersey. You don't have to know about the sport so much, but you should know the terms like "half-side", "corner" etc. When an half-side replay is shown on TV, make sure you yell "That was not so half-side!!". If you still haven't noticed that off-side is spelled wrong so far, you should definitely continue reading.

2. Hate Cricket

Make it an annoying habit to go on and on about how Cricket is such a lousy lazy game. Bitch about IPL being a stupid idea and that all matches are fixed (especially the one that CSK wins). You might be secretly following your fav franchise closely, but when someone brings up IPL for discussion, play cool with statements like "I had no idea IPL has started. So who's leading the table?". 

3. Listen to Metallica

This is a must. You might be a melody-loving-soft-kitty, but showing that you are fan of Metallica can go a long way in establishing your "dude" attitude. You may not be able to distinguish one Metallica song from the other. At times, you may not be able to distinguish unpleasent noise from a Metallica song either. But make sure you bang your head or keep jumping up and down whenever a Metallica songs plays. Download all their songs from pirate bay and keep it in your music player just in case somebody goes through your music collection. If they start playing Desi songs in a club, protest "what fucking shit is this? Can we have some rock here?".

4. F1

And we are back to sports - the obsession of the male species. I never understood the craze behind F1. Seriously, are we supporting an individual's driving expertise or a team's ability to build super cars? But you should support F1. Because it just cool to say "F1". That's all there is to it. And occasionally throw in names like Ferrari, Alonso, Schumacher etc. And importantly, ignore all your patriotic instincts to support Force India. 

5. Become of a fan of Christopher Nolan's movies

This is easy given that Nolan makes good movies and also the only hollywood director you probably know after Spielberg and Cameron. Talk about how he is the most intelligent director of your time, how Dark Knight is the greatest movie you have ever seen and how you completely debugged Inception. Do you know that Nolan directed a masterpiece called Memento? No? That's OK. Most people don't. Become a fan of movies like Fightclub, Pulp Fiction, Die hard series, Hangover, American Pie series. Even if you love Harry Potter or Pixar movies, make sure you never let anybody know about that. Seriously brings down your "dude" quotient. 

6. Drink Beer

This is THE dude drink! You can't be a dude unless you do this. It's important to hold that mug to feel like one. If you are non-alcoholic, Red Bull may help your image. 

7. Talk about your bad-assedness

Prepare some 5 to 6 stories, especially ones that cannot be proven, where you kicked some serious ass - like flunking classes, hangover stories, escapade from a police cars, traveling without tickets, awesome parties that never happened etc etc. 

To summarize - Football Club, F1, Metallica, The Dark Knight, Beer and Kicking Imaginary Ass. Sounds good?

P.S: The most important part of being a "dude" is that showing that you don't care about what other people think about you. Unfortunately, if you are really trying hard to be a dude, then you actually care about what others perceive of you. So, you see, you can never become a dude. You either are or you aren't. But, still try the above steps, it may help your identity crisis!