Getting ‘Settled’ – the Bermuda Triangle for Indian men

I always get curious when my friends say ‘I want to get settled in life now’. When asked what they mean by ‘settled’, their answers mostly consisted of one or more of the following..

1. Getting married
2. Buying a house
3. Getting a secured and a high-paying job

It would be close to insanity calling any one of the above as falling into anywhere near ‘settled’. A house demands a sizable amount of your paycheck to go to mortgage. A marriage demands the highest commitment of your life and a failure in that would leave you in a worse state. The degrees of insecurity of a job is directly proportional to the amount of money you get. The higher you get paid the higher the probability of you being shown the middle finger when things don’t go well in a company.

I believe that the phenomenon of ‘getting settled’ in India is driven by marriages. In a country where 90% of the marriages happen through a matchmaking process that closely resembles a Merger of two companies, most part of the due-diligence is focused on the financial state of the groom. And that’s where the tag of ‘well settled’ plays a significant role. Guys, when they say ‘settled’, probably mean they are ready to get married (even though they mentally unprepared).

Late 20s are extremely hard for Indian men ..especially for the ones whose history of relationships hardly find a page in their own biographies. The first question from all quarters, including your parents, is  ‘when’s marriage?’ It’s hard to shy away from the question and it becomes increasingly difficult to explain to the previous generation the mindset of the current generation – especially when it comes to matters around ‘getting settled’. 

Personally, I feel that getting settled is accepting to a more monotonous way of life – being less adventurous, suppressing the urge to try out new stuff, avoiding uncertainties and unpleasant surprises in life. But my peers would rather put it in a more positive perspective as being less risky, ensuring a secure and safe life, and doing what they think they are good at. In other words, they have resigned to the domain they’ll work in, their country of stay, the women they are going to spend their life with and even the house they are going to stay in for the rest of their lives.

Not all marriages are successful. Not all industries enjoy a everlasting purple patch. Not all houses stand after an earthquake. There is nothing wrong in being secure, but one must keep an open mind and not curb the instincts in pursuing the path is exciting. Life is not risk-proof. The measures one takes to make life secure eventually end up making it less exciting and more monotonous.