Tamil movie way of doing it!

A significant portion of my movie watching life had been dedicated to tam movies. A couple of years ago, when I was watching a tam movie with my family, my mom asked me out of the blue ‘Do you want a bride like her?’ – she was pointing to the damsel dancing around the trees. While I was touched by her generosity, I lamely replied ‘For that, I need to be a roadside thug with no prospects or job with a 3 weeks unshaven beard and I should be able to punch and kick guys so that they can fly’.  So here are the answers for the question “what should I do if I want a girl like a tam movie heroine?”. Following are the inferences from data mining of 26 years of successful tam movie viewing.

I would recommend you to be become a rowdy first, because, they seem to get the best of the lot. Rowdy community is classified as good and bad rowdies.  Good rowdies are the ones who kill if they think that there is justice in it. Good rowdies are the ones who will respect women.  Good rowdies are the one who will have comedians as their sidekicks. Good rowdies are the ones who will get the best girls.  All you have to do is the following – don’t shave for a month, wear a full sleeve shirt but don’t button up, frequently skip showering, get one funny guy to be your sidekick, if you see injustice anywhere - go and play football with the villains, and in front of the girl act as though you are a gentleman (tips: immediately drop the weapon you are carrying, look towards the earth and flee the scene). Pretend as though you will give up rowdyism just for the sake of the girl. On the negative side, you may have to fight a lot with gravity defying stunts.

Well, if the above doesn’t work out, you have the option of joining an arts or an engineering college which has a shady name and lots of gals. To get the gal you want, you should have a lot of arrears, give a damn about the profs, misbehave with women and you should frequently stand up to the bully of the college. You should also have a family background which is poor (though it doesn’t reflect in the branded clothes you wear), an ever-annoying father, a caring mother and a cute sister (who you will protect from stupids just like you). It doesn’t help if you have top grades or an excellent campus placement or even if you are good human being – you’ll be always branded as the geek with thick glasses who ends being the first guy who is hit  (and sometimes die) in case of a college strike. Oh I almost forgot - you should pretend that you don’t know English as well.

If the above doesn’t work, there are more options. You can try your career as a shed mechanic, carpenter, blacksmith, porter etc. Or you should do multitasks such as delivering paper in the morning, selling idlis for breakfast or work as a waiter in any posh restaurants. These are the kind of careers that would make a stunning looking woman fall for you. But strictly no software engineers or MBA grads or any decent while collar job. 

If you don’t like a career option, you should try looking out for women who are in trouble especially from their ‘murai’ maamans or bad stepfathers. You should go out of your way to save the girl and beat up villains who travel only in Tata Sumos. You should do everything to save the girl. You should even forget about your ailing mother back home. Remember, whenever villains show up, the girl will hide behind your back holding on to you like a kid and for this purpose alone, you should grow fat. You can’t expect tam girls to be slim enough to completely cover them behind you, can you?And while facing atleast 10 guys with 'aruvals' in their hands, yours knees shouldn't shake and give you away. Stand still! Also, you'll have to shout at the top of your lungs 'Daaaiiiiiiiiii'.

So what are you waiting for? Try the above tips. If they don’t work, blame the tam movie directors, not me.Because that's how they wanted a common man to be like.

P.S: My strong recommendations would be to become a rowdy because it sets you the platform for pursuing a career in politics.